remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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