Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Boobs are out for the taking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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