He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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