your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
