I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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