why didn't you poke me back
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
