yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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