my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
