so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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