come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
