If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
