we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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