My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
