Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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