he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
