Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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