remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
