Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
