i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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