Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to fling myself into the sun
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize