I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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