I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
