Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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