I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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