I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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