After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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