We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
