i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
