Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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