I faked an abortion last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize