I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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