I feel great
I just peed on a car
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
