I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
