my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
