If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
