You just made me feel so damn special
Your dad touched me again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
