oh god the rape fog is back!
from now on my penis is your penis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.