I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
BRING THE BAGELS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level