Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.