I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success