I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.