this beer tastes like vomit already
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.