I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Randomize
