i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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