I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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