with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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