You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
