im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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