Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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