im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
