Sry I called you an 8
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
