Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
