id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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