It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
