she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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