Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
