Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
