Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the condom got lost in my hair
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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