I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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