how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
farters have to be the big spoon...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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