I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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