That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
