The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
