obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
