Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
