so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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