it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
