you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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