Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
