so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
