a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She needs sedatives and a leash
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
