kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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