If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
