She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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