I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
