If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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