Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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