be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
