first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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